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I can wake up in the morning feeling happy purpose and happiness in life and all good there is for a while I also don’t think about how it that feeling i mean might leave me that feeling of euphoria of just being alive and the gratitude for being able to go out in the kitchen to make myself a nice cup of coffee and bring it with me back into bed if that is what I want to I can sit there and dream and idealise and my thoughts can swirl up and it all ends up like candy floss like a page in a glossy magazine no need to put on music even because the soundtrack is so clear and present that there is nothing more valuable than this moment and life and the fact that I can change anything everything I want the moment I want to now even if that is what I want is just utterly unbelievable and amazing thought provoking perhaps /

Like a lightening from the open sky I can feel how it all changes maybe it starts with a small worry but soon it escalates into thunder and a million shades of grey the aching in the chest that ball that constantly hurts and grows and suddenly it is raining heavily and I cannot protect myself from it I cannot really put up my umbrella inside or can I don’t even know the only thing I know is that it is getting colder and colder and the heat has even left that freshly brewed coffee dammit what can I do my face looks like nothing of those that would fit on a page of that glossy magazine after rain hit my face the soundtrack ended as when electricity ends and if I am completely honest the whole room is like an earthquake now I am shaking and I have no power over this situation that was seemingly perfect to begin with and there is absolutely no room for anything called gratitude anymore that word doesn’t even exist in my vocabulary it is now replaced with lava danger failure ignorance and the soundtrack of the room is now more similar to speakers in a very annoying store where they always play too loud music that kind that overshadows your thoughts intrusive takes over your mind you want to scream go away go away go away you even try but the aching takes too much space ribs already expanded no breath or air left to scream with hardly any to make you still breathe if you’re completely honest with yourself /

 

I turn into you and you you get yourself together bring arms and legs and the rest of the body you collect that too from underneath the covers on your bed and you manage to move the skeleton with all its skin and loudness screaming filling your mind into the shower water running cold cold for too long but there warm super and you can stay forever maybe can it burn your skin and peel off another layer and perhaps is that everything you need the best dream biggest dream for now at least where you can think of reaching another place leaving the feeling in the shower let it run with water soap old skin through the drain to the sewer out to the ocean and right there and then the moment you picture the water with your skin peeled off you realise just how small this is in the bigger scale how small you are on the bigger scale you are just a piece of dust so unimportant no importance you feel like telling yourself in spanish how do you say it in french again cannot remember but does it even matter you feel stupid and good all at once your mouth forms a big smile and by accident your mouth is filled with water the same space you could not figure out how to get air through before is now filled with water instead and you choke and laugh and life goes on with conditioner soap water towel dry cream ready to leave soon maybe what if someone could see you now you secretly look for hidden security cameras in the ceiling /

 

This goes through your mind in no time no time at all can you even imagine the work of the brain the fuel it runs on how amazingly beautiful that the top part of your physical existence is what leads you dios mio you feel like shouting again of joy and silliness all at the same time you dance in your underwear cream toothbrush toothpaste with pearls for whiter teeth so silly you almost choke again /
 

The clock has been ticking all the time and you find yourself amazed at all the things you can go through in the specter of an hour and it gives you joy puts fire to your curiosity and you cannot wait to look at all the people you pass on your way to work who are they how many needed that shower in order to transform themselves into that other person they also are the complexity is crazy who are you think that you understand anything about the complexity of life and human beings and how they function and what it even means just to start the day for an average human being in this city or anywhere else in that case /

You love the complexity of yourself your personality your brain your specter your emotions and the same time you worry which explanation you might need to give about being five minutes late it was definitely a line in the bathroom it always is isn’t it you paint your lips red put your coat on grab a fruit or two from the kitchen shelf before you run out the door looking pretending not quite sure if this is actually the page of a glossy magazine after all /

 

turn to page 10 and you can see for yourself maybe